He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
