office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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