You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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