There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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