first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
