And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
