I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
