i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
