So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
