I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
