Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
