he told me I talked like a deaf person
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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