We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
