I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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