nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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