Can Purell be used as lube?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
