i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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