i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
