Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
