another moral hangover. fuck.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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