We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i dont even know how to be here
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just had sex on a roof
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
