He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
