i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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