Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
