Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
