I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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