I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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