Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
In other news, I just burned my penis
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
