Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
