There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
