sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
