I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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