Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
