Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
