remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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