the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
