dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
