Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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