sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
