i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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