2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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