So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
