The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
