i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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