just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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