I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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