it hurts more in the daytime
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
