Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
