remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
