Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm having to shit out rocks
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