Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
