he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
