I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
