Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
